I’ve Seen Better Stuff Come Out of a Horse’s Ass

I’ve noticed that there has been a rush of really, really bad movies in recent years. The newly released film “Blades of Glory” has been the major catalyst of my fury. It stars Will Ferrell (“Anchorman”, “Elf”) and Jon Heder (“Napoleon Dynamite”) as figure skaters. The plot from thereon is already crap. They, for some reason, are banned from singles figure skating. They are utter enemies. Then, by some turn of fate, they decide to become partners. That’s right: one of them is a girl. Or, at least, it’s implied that one of them is a woman. I’m betting on Will Ferrell. He looks like he uses Herbal Essences every morning. I will confess, at this point, that I have not seen the film. I adamantly refuse to spend my hard earned money to watch two grown men make fools of themselves. “Actors” like this really bother me. I expect actors and actresses who get paid any sum of money greater than ten dollars to have some skill involved with their trade. The reason Tom Hanks is considered a movie star is because he knows how to act. He can play a character, and infuse so much passion and emotion into the character that it seems real. Or funny. Or sad. Or scary. Whatever the case, it’s something Will Ferrell seems incapable of doing. Why would I go to a theatre, pay my twenty million dollar admission fee (with extra for taxes, popcorn, a drink and a seat that somebody hasn’t spilled their beverage all over) to watch a man bump into things and say stupid lines badly? It’s remarkable that he hasn’t been shot and/or fired. “Blades of Glory” cost about $75 million to make. I would rather watch Will Ferrell eat $75 million using only his elbows as utensils.
Any other movies on my hit list? Well, apart from anything else Will Ferrell has starred in (save “Stranger than Fiction”, which was surprisingly semi-decent, and “The Producers”), there’s:
“Napoleon Dynamite”
The entire “Scary Movie” series
“Epic Movie”

I will confess, however, that there is one “-Movie” that I would like to see: “Romantic Movie”. The plot would be the same as every other romantic comedy. That plot I shall now summarize:
Boy meets girl
They are friends/enemies/roommates/prison buddies
Eventually, after the guy makes a complete fool of himself and they jump in puddles, they fall in love
For some reason, they can’t be together
They ignore that, fall in love and are happy

There are more movies that I’d like to list, but I can’t be bothered. I’m lazy. And so, I digress.

This Just In!

Geekiness galore!

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Check it out. It’s pretty swift!

I’ve got a rant coming. Next update.

An extension of my thoughts… current as of March 24, 2007

I’ve had a bit of a pissy week, but whatever. I’m kind of on a knife-edge, waiting for someone (let’s call her “work girl”… she’s from work, and is a… girl…) to respond to something I gave her. I saw her Friday; she didn’t say anything. Weird, but whatever. I give up.

Otherwise, a few of my friends left for Ecuador on a school trip, of which I couldn’t afford the $5,000, thus I’m stuck at home.

I found this while grazing the internet:

Blog launched, Casino Royale DVD review, and more!

Well, welcome to the web. It was my wakeup call to actually start one of these things. I’ve had a couple of failed attempts, but I swear that I’ll try to maintain this one. I hope.

Casino Royale – DVD Review

After the last Bond film Die Another Day, I expected that Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, the producers of the series, had forgotten what Bond originally was about. Die Another Day was to the Bond series what the Hyundai Pony was to the auto industry: an utter disgrace. Even in Moonraker, one of the worst films, there were some good parts. The boat chase and the glass factory fight were both entertaining and realistic. But DAD (I’m going to refer to it as that because I’m lazy) was pitiful. I’ve seen more realism in 1980’s B-films. The CGI was terrible, the invisible car was pathetic, the various references to old Bond films seemed forced, and the plot, wait… there was a plot?

For Casino Royale, I expected more of the same. However, when they announced that Martin Campbell was directing, my hopes were lifted. See, Mr. Campbell directed Goldeneye, Pierce Brosnan’s opener to the series, which was a great film. They also said that Daniel Craig would play a more aggressive, more realistic Bond. This was all talk, however, and I had yet to see what resulted.

November 19, 2006: I finally got around to seeing the film for the first time, 2 days after it opened. And was I ever shocked! It was incredible! The action, while grittier, wasn’t as raw and violent as License to Kill. The humour returned to the classic Bondian sarcasm and wit. And there was a plot! I was definitely impressed.

I bought the DVD the day it was released. Annoyingly, I didn’t get the Corgi Aston Martin model with it. Oh well. I bought it for the film, didn’t I?

The movie is great to have on DVD, finally. But you buy DVDs partially because of the film, but also for the special features. And I must say that, although it came with 2 discs, I was disappointed by the lack of special features on it. There were three documentaries and a Chris Cornell music video. The documentaries, while decent, are half-an-hour each, and one of them (“The Girls of Bond”) appeared on another DVD, albiet an older version. Martin Campbell has said recently that “yes, we are doing a commentary” for another edition of the DVD. Which kind of makes me angry. I spent the twenty dollars on the DVD when it first was released, so I shouldn’t have to buy it again. The other documentaries cover the making of the film, and stunt sequences.

My Rating
Picture Quality: 5/5
Sound Quality: 4.5/5 (there are a couple of spots where it seems to get really loud and then level off)
Movie: 5/5
Bonus Features: 3.5/5

TOTAL SCORE: 17/20

PhotoshopedUp.com Chop Awards 2006

I just finished tallying the votes by our *elite* panel of judges on the Chop Awards 2006, and I must say that the winning crop of entries were amazing!

You can view the results in PDF format, in two qualities.

High Quality version (27MB): Click Here

Low Quality version (1MB): Click Here

Just re-instating that these are PDF files.

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That’s all, I think.