iStig

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Merry Christmas

In Funny on December 24, 2008 at 8:52:38 pm

santa fail

Top 17 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

In Funny, General, Idea, Observations, Politics on December 12, 2008 at 10:40:29 pm

17. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

16. Gay culture is a new fad created by the liberal media to undermine long-standing traditions. We know this is true because gay sex did not exist in ancient Greece and Rome.

15. There are plenty of straight families looking to adopt, and every unwanted child already has a loving family. This is why foster care does not exist.

14. Conservatives know best how to create strong families. That is why it is not true that Texas and Mississippi have the highest teen birthrates, and Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire have the lowest. This is a myth spread by the liberal media.

13. Marriage is a religious institution, defined by churches. This is why atheists do not marry. Christians also never get a divorce.

12. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why our society has no single parents.

11. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

10. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

9. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

8. Gay marriage should be decided by the people and their elected representatives, not the courts. The framers checked the courts, which represent mainstream public opinion, with legislatures created to protect the rights of minorities from the tyranny of the majority. Interference by courts in this matter is inappropriate, just as it has been every time the courts have tried to hold back legislatures pushing for civil rights.

7. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because “separate but equal” institutions are a good way to satisfy the demands of uppity minority groups.

5. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

4. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

3. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

2. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

1. METEORS and VOLCANOES.

(nicked from this fantastic Facebook group)

What Level of Douchebaggery do you Embody?

In Funny, General, Idea on November 22, 2008 at 1:06:22 am

I came up with this idea at work today.

In any open-ended question, score that amount of points. In any yes/no question, score 1 for yes, 0 for no.

a) How many letters in your first name? (divide by 2)
b) Do you have a name prefix (Dr., Sir, etc.)?
c) Do you have a name suffix (Jr., Sr., etc.)? (multiply by 2)
d) How many steps are in your cafe-purchased coffee (excluding size and type)? (for example, “small black coffee” counts as one step; “extra large triple-shot no-foam skim milk sugar-free vanilla latte with an extra pump” counts as six)
e) Is it Starbucks? (multiply by 2)
f) What is the size of your car’s engine, in liters?
g) Is it a pickup truck or SUV?
h) Is it JDM?
i) Is it a BMW? (multiply by 2)
j) Is it a Prius? (multiply by 2)
k) What size of wheels (in inches) do you have on your car?
l) Have you ever called someone a douche?
m) Do you use IRC?
n) Do you wear a Bluetooth hands-free headset outside of your car? (multiply by 3)
o) Have you had more than one girlfriend in the last month? (multiply by 5)
p) How many email accounts do you have?
q) Do you have a smartphone?
r) Do you talk loudly about your big merger, stock deal or dinner with your wife while in line at the grocery store? (multiply by 2)
s) Do you have iced tips?
t) Have you ever bleached your hair?
u) On a scale of 1 (barely audible) to 11 (you’ve been yelled at to turn it down), how loud do you play music in your car?
v) Same question, but for headphones on public transit.
w) How many friends do you have on your Facebook, MySpace, Nexopia, Bebo or other social network friends list? (divide by 10)

Now it’s time to get the answer to the question you took this for – just how much of a douche are you? To get the answer, just add all the above answers together. Take note of their weighted score.

I Know Really Douchy People

In Funny, General, Observations, Personal on November 5, 2008 at 7:26:44 pm

Be sure to click on the picture for full size douchy glory.

Hey, I Recognize That Preview Image

In Funny, Personal on September 28, 2008 at 5:04:04 pm

From this thread on MTF2:

My Dimpled preview image:

I know it’s not a very unique preview image. I was just stuck by the similarity. It made me chuckle.