iStig

I’ve Seen Better Stuff Come Out of a Horse’s Ass

In General, Rant on March 30, 2007 at 12:51:49 pm

I’ve noticed that there has been a rush of really, really bad movies in recent years. The newly released film “Blades of Glory” has been the major catalyst of my fury. It stars Will Ferrell (“Anchorman”, “Elf”) and Jon Heder (“Napoleon Dynamite”) as figure skaters. The plot from thereon is already crap. They, for some reason, are banned from singles figure skating. They are utter enemies. Then, by some turn of fate, they decide to become partners. That’s right: one of them is a girl. Or, at least, it’s implied that one of them is a woman. I’m betting on Will Ferrell. He looks like he uses Herbal Essences every morning. I will confess, at this point, that I have not seen the film. I adamantly refuse to spend my hard earned money to watch two grown men make fools of themselves. “Actors” like this really bother me. I expect actors and actresses who get paid any sum of money greater than ten dollars to have some skill involved with their trade. The reason Tom Hanks is considered a movie star is because he knows how to act. He can play a character, and infuse so much passion and emotion into the character that it seems real. Or funny. Or sad. Or scary. Whatever the case, it’s something Will Ferrell seems incapable of doing. Why would I go to a theatre, pay my twenty million dollar admission fee (with extra for taxes, popcorn, a drink and a seat that somebody hasn’t spilled their beverage all over) to watch a man bump into things and say stupid lines badly? It’s remarkable that he hasn’t been shot and/or fired. “Blades of Glory” cost about $75 million to make. I would rather watch Will Ferrell eat $75 million using only his elbows as utensils.
Any other movies on my hit list? Well, apart from anything else Will Ferrell has starred in (save “Stranger than Fiction”, which was surprisingly semi-decent, and “The Producers”), there’s:
“Napoleon Dynamite”
The entire “Scary Movie” series
“Epic Movie”

I will confess, however, that there is one “-Movie” that I would like to see: “Romantic Movie”. The plot would be the same as every other romantic comedy. That plot I shall now summarize:
Boy meets girl
They are friends/enemies/roommates/prison buddies
Eventually, after the guy makes a complete fool of himself and they jump in puddles, they fall in love
For some reason, they can’t be together
They ignore that, fall in love and are happy

There are more movies that I’d like to list, but I can’t be bothered. I’m lazy. And so, I digress.

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