I have lost all faith in humanity

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My Country Is Hard Core

“Ahh,” some of you are saying. “My country also gets that cold.”

Ahh ha!

Feels like -45. Sometimes colder. And it’s noon. And that’s as warm as it’s getting today.

Well, There’s Your Problem!

 

This is an adventure in hilarity…  

A classmate won tickets last night to a premiere screening (for tonight) of Nirvana’s MTV Unplugged, in its fully uncut and remastered glory. He asked me if I’d like to go, since I was one of the only Nirvana fans he knew, and so I accepted.

 We headed down tonight at around 6 PM. It was held downtown, at the Uptown (?) Theatre. If you’ve ever been to downtown Calgary, you know parking is a bit terrible. We finally found a parkade by the Sears building on 8th Avenue and parked there. We left his truck and went to go see the film.  After about 2 hours, we returned to the parkade. And that’s when things got interesting. 

We first noticed something wrong when we saw that the doors we came in were shut. This didn’t really bode well, since that’s kind of the only exit. We walked around to the back side of the building looking for any and all entrances, only to find that the ones that we found were locked. We finally (after 5 minutes of searching) found one that was open, and went down the staircase. Our hope had improved… for now.

 My friend’s truck was in front of us, and we got to the exit we came in. And then we realized that there was no person in the booth, and no automatic ticket reception thing. Which wasn’t good. We phoned the help number on the booth and asked about our situation. We didn’t know the lot number, however, and they told us to call them back when we found it out. So, we began looking around for the lot number, rather unsuccessfully. As we pondered what to do, we came up with a bit of a plan:

 

1.  Find the lot number
2. Phone back with or without the lot number (it can’t hurt, right?)
3. If (when) that doesn’t work, abandon the car overnight and call a parent to pick us up, or…
4. Sleep in the parkade all night. Pay the $25 to exit at 7 AM, and make a rush for school in a smelly sort of way.

Now, obviously, I had to confer with my mother at which option was best. She didn’t like number 4 (and who can blame her, but what a cool story that would have been), and suggested that we try anything else but that.Luckily, at that very moment, someone was coming down the ramp. “How did they get in?” we wondered. We approached her and asked if she knew what the lot number was. She said that it was “***” (the 3 stars being replaced with the actual lot number), and she said to let her know if it worked. She was a monthly subscriber, so she could come and go as she pleased. We phoned back with the lot number, and then the Impark people said that there was nothing they could do.

Super. 

After a little bit, the lady rolled up in her car, and she asked what the outcome was. We said that we were stuck here for the night. Then, she had a brainwave.

What if we could tailgate her out?

It was a brilliant plan. We got in the truck, and moved towards the exit right behind her. We sat right on her tail as the barrier and door opened.

It bloody worked.

Moral of the story: check the damn times that the parkade is open for. Or find some kind older lady with a monthly pass. Either way… 

World’s Largest Swimming Pool Is 1 KM Long

What you’re looking at is the world’s largest swimming pool. It’s over 1 KM long, and it resides in Chile at the San Alfonso del Mar Resort.Click here to see it on Google Maps.I don’t know if there’s anything else to say, except the price tag: a cool $1.5 billion. Yup, with a b. So, if you’re a multibillionaire and you’d rather not have an Edo 599 GTB (you ought to be put into a padded room), well, you can have a kilometre long swimming pool.Thanks to SElectroClash for the (somewhat old) news.

Update: So, a commenter below has informed me that the pool only cost $3.5 million. That seems a bit on the low side, but whatever.

2X “What The Hell Were They Thinking?”

Both from Jalopnik.

The first:

What is with the paint? The silver 2-tone? Firstly, it’s ugly. Secondly, it has some weird dividing line.

Read on…

The second:

‘Nuff said. Read on…

Yes, I’m quite aware that it is 3AM. I should go to bed soon.

iPhone = Great: at&t = Notsomuch

Check this out:

As you enjoy your weekend, ponder this bit of humor: while the iPhone may be master of the digital mobile experience (for now), dead trees come in for a flogging, as AT&T’s iPhone bills are quite impressive in their own right. We’re starting to get bills for the iPhone here at Ars, and while many of us have had smartphones for some time, we’ve never seen a bill like this.

One of our bills is a whopping 52 pages long, and my own bill is 34 pages long. They’re printed on both sides, too. What gives?

The AT&T bill itemizes your data usage whenever you surf the Internet via EDGE, even if you’re signed up for the unlimited data plan. AT&T also goes into an incredible amount of detail to tell you—well, almost nothing. For instance, I know that on July 27 at 3:21 p.m. I had some data use that, under the To/From heading, AT&T has helpfully listed as “Data Transfer.” The Type of file? “Data.” My total charge? $0.00.

This mind-numbing detail goes on for 52 double-sided pages (for 104 printed pages!) with absolutely no variance except the size of the files.

The picture above is one half of one page. As you can plainly see, with all the information they give away as to my surfing habits, that image makes me a ripe target for identity theft. Or not. Okay, so maybe we should be happy that the pages upon pages of info in this bill aren’t going to send privacy advocates into seizures, but then again, why waste the paper?

Guess which one is the iPhone bill

Apple’s renown for elegance and simplicity has been ironically mocked by this ridiculous document of excess. Why would we possibly need to know how many times we weren’t charged to access something of the type DATA using our Data Transfer at the Rate Code MBRF? Our Blackberry users ’round these parts aren’t seeing bills like this.

Oh, well—I suppose when I’m out using my iPhone, I can imagine AT&T’s line printer working tirelessly to provide me and thousands of others with an IRS-sized document dump every month. Ah, how simple and easy it is to live in the digital age.

From the o’holy Ars Technica

Digg It!

Another Freaking Survey!

Thanks to Bree’s Facebook for this time-waster.

---

01. Full Name: Nicholas D. Heer

02. Nicknames: Nick, “the scary one”

03. Screen name: Depends which site. On MSN, I’ve set it it “iStig”, on AIM, it’s “NHeerDesign”. On PSU, it’s “NHeer-Design”, on F-Chat, it’s “NHeerDesign” (I think), on AquaSoft it’s “nicholasheer”. ‘Nuff said?

04. Age: 16

05. Birthday: October

06. Grade: 11

07. G.P.A.: Riiiighht…

08. Your class: Graduating 2008. Many classes.

09. Zodiac sign: Scorpio

10. Hospital where you were born: I don’t remember.

11. City, State you were born: Calgary, Alberta

12. City, State you live in now: Calgary, Alberta

13. Height: 6′1″

14. Hair Color: Brown-ish

17. Eye Color: Brown-ish

18. Glasses/Contacts: Glasses

19. Hobbies: Check dA or Facebook.

20. Crush: Because everybody will just blurt it out in a random survey, right?

21. Girlfriend/Boyfriend: Nope

22. If you do have b/f or g/f how’d you meet: N/A

23. If you could go out with any one in the world who would it be: Uh… right…

24. When and who was your 1st crush?: 3rd grade. Thanks for asking.

25. What do you first notice about the opposite sex: Smile (or lack thereof)

26. What do you think guys/girls look hot in: …Clothing? I like Bree’s answer, so I’m sticking with it

27. Do you want to get married someday: No, but thanks for asking.

28. If so, when: N/A

29. How romantic are you? : I’m romantic?

30. Biggest turn-on: Smile? I dunno…

31. Ideal girl/guy: …

33. Memory [thing] you miss most: Suddenly today, I realized that I want my old watch back. I had a really nice Swatch one which was red with brushed aluminium, and I lost it like 5 or 6 years ago.

34. If you could go back in time, where would you go?: Back to about 19… ooo… 64-ish, when the Ferrari 250 GT was cheap. Well, cheaper than it is now.

35. Thing that you regretted doing after you had done it? Quite a lot.

36. Memory you would like to forget: Quite a lot.

37. What’d you do yesterday: Not much. Worked.

38. Last person you talked to on the phone: Someone calling for my mother.

39. What was the last thing you said: “OK”

40. Last song you listened to: According to my Last.fm scrobbler, “Sacrifice Theory” – A.F.I.

41. Have you been kissed: No shit.

42. If so when was the last time: While ago.

43. With whom?: Uhh….

44. How many kids do you want: None.

45. Future son’s name: See above

46. Future daughter’s name: Again, see above

47. Honeymoon spot: Didn’t I say that I didn’t want to get married?

48. Where do you like to shop: I hate shopping. But anywhere where there are good band t-shirts is always a good destination.

49. Boxers or briefs for guys?: …

FAVORITE:

50. Food: Lime/Ginger Tofu (yummy)

51. Drink: Alcoholic: I’m straight edge. Nada. // Non-Alcoholic: Sprite

52. Color: Black, white and af1111. Oh, yeah… and NHeer Design orange

53. Weekend Activity: PSU, F-chat and Aqua Soft; Top Gear and House marathons; guitar

54. Day of the week: Saturdays

55. Card Game: Rummy’s good… so is solitaire

56. Holiday: Christmas

57. Number: 77

58. Cookie: Oatmeal

59. Phrase to overuse: I don’t think that I can count that high

60. Candy: Reese peanut butter cups

PEOPLE YOU KNOW:

62. Funniest: Sean H

63. Silliest: Beth

64. Loudest: All of them?

65. The one you have, but wish you didn’t: …

66. Smartest: I dunno… they’re all pretty smart. Ish.

67. Sweetest: I have *sweet* friends?

PICK ONE:

68. N Sync or BSB: Nirvana. And plenty of it.

69. Peanut butter OR Jelly: Peanut Butter

71. Boxers OR Briefs: Don’t care

72. Vanilla OR Chocolate: Vanilla

73. Romantic, Comedy OR Horror: Romances and horror movies are all essentially the same (as every other romance and horror), so… comedy.

74. Do you believe in angels?: No

75. Love at first sight: Yeah

76. Heaven & Hell?: Dunno

77. God? : No

78. Yourself?: Depends

79. Chickens that say MOO: No. Shut up.

80. Ghosts: No

HAVE YOU EVER:

81. Been on a plane: Yes (what a dumb question)

82. Been wrong & admitted it: I’m always right! Right?

83. Cried in public: When I was young, probably.

84. Climbed a tree: Uh, yeah.

85. Kissed a guy/girl: Girl, yes. Guy, no.

86. Shopped at Abercrombie & Fitch: Went in in San Francisco. It was loud. I left.

88. Said: Yes, I can talk.

89. Made prank calls: Yes

90. Gone skinny dipping: Not yet

91. Skipped school: Well… depends on your definition of skipping

92. Loved somebody so much it made you cry: No

93. Gone to a theme park and checked out all the hott grls/guyz?: No. Don’t be retarded.

94. Played tag in a mall? No

WHICH WOULD YOU BE:

95. Pen/Pencil: Pen

96. Plumber/Trashman: Trashman. Plumber is just… gross.

97. Ear/Eye: Eye… wait… ear… wait…

98. Rich and unhappy OR poor and happy: Rich and unhappy. Actually, I don’t think that’s possible for me. I’m currently poor and unhappy.

99. Tall/Short: Tall

100. Girl/Guy: Guy

(shouldn’t there be a #101 in here? These surveys blow at counting)

RANDOM QUESTIONS:

102. What’s the first thing you thought of when you woke up?: I think when I wake up?

103. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: Hell no

104. Do you have motion sickness?: Not right now… I’m pretty static as of current/

105. Have you ever been attacked by a big dog: No. Every animal loves me. *snicker*

106. How many rings before you answer the phone: Home: I try to answer before you hang up. Cell: If you try calling my cell number, it’ll just ring and ring. (I don’t have a cell)

107. How many homes have you lived in?: 2

108. Piercings: None

109. Tattoos: I want to get one on the bottom of each wrist (an “X”), and one on my back (“Through our bleeding, we are one”)

110. Bed Time: Whenever I feel like it

111. Have you ever mud wrestled: Nope

112. Would you kill someone: Depends

113. Which finger is your favorite: Middle… by far the most useful

114. Do you like your handwriting? : Yes, why not?

115. What is your favorite lunch meat: VEGETARIAN

116. Are you a dare devil: I so want to skydive… and base jump… and HALO jump…

117. Do you flirt: Doesn’t everyone on some level?

118. What movie made you cry: “Lion King” when it was first released… it was the stampede scene, in a movie theatre, with a 4 year old (me).

119. Which was your best Halloween costume?: I was a pumpkin my first Halloween…

120. Have you ever been in a mosh pit: Aw yeah.

121. Do you wear a seat belt: Yes, I’m not an idiot.

122. Have you ever been on radio, in the newspaper, or on TV?: Does internet radio count? (I’ve been on Poweruser TV twice). Newspaper and TV, yup.

123. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: Not right now, no.

124. Last time you showered: This morning.

125. Do you have cell phone and beeper: No and no.

126. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: See favourite colour question.

128. Do you like this survey?: No

129. What are the last 4 digits of your number? : I have enough people stalking me at the moment, thanks.

130. One pillow or two, cotton or feather?: 2 pillows, both cotton

131. Last CD you bought: “Year Zero” – NIN

132. How long are you in the shower: 5-10 minutes

133. How do you eat a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup: Unwrap, bite, chew, swallow, bite, chew, swallow.

134. Feelings on abortion: Pro-choice.

136. Thoughts on Britney Spears: Remember your underwear.

137. Thunderstorms: Wahoo.

138. Roller coasters: Weeeeeeeeee!

139. What does your screen name mean?: Which one? iStig: Google “The Stig”… NHeerDesign (or derivitives): My wordmark

140. Who do you most admire?: I admire people?

141. Right, Left, or Ambidextrous?: Ambidextrous, ish. I’m a lefty.

142. What is on your mouse pad?: Water droplets (not real, you idiot)

143. What is under your bed?: 3 guitars, 2 effects pedals and a partridge in a pear tree

144. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?: Not a f*cking clue.

145. Do you like the person that sent you this survey?: Someone sent me this?

146. Who is most likely to send this quiz back: Send…?

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU:

147. Cried: No

148. Eaten fluff: What are you on?

149. Helped someone: If by “help” you mean “make feel insignificant”, yes.

150. Cut your hair: No

151. Worn a skirt: Uh, no.

152. Worn a tie: No

153. Been mean: Always

154. Been sarcastic: Again, always

155. Gone for a run: Catching the bus

156. Gone for a walk: Yes

157. Gone to the movies: No

158. Gone out for dinner: No

159. Been kissed: Sure are a lot of questions about being kissed… I like Bree’s answer, so I’m keeping it

160. Felt stupid: Of course

161. Said “I love you”: No

162. Written a letter: “X”. There. A letter. Happy?

163. Written a paper?: No

164. Taken a test: Is this one?

165. Met someone new: No

166. Written in a journal: No

167. Watched your favorite movie: No

168. Talked to someone you have a crush on: Lots of these kind of questions, too. Again, I agree with Bree. Such a smart girl…

169. Given someone a present: No

170. Had a serious talk: No

171. Missed someone: No

172. Hugged someone: No

173. Had a nightmare: No

I dont know what happened to 174, 175 but okay… Again, Bree’s wisdom shines through

176. Do you now hate whoever sent this to you: Again… “Sent?”

177. this person nice?: UGH!

178 & 179? Missing in action?

YOUR WEEKDAY

180. Early Morning Rituals (list ie. cartoons that you watch, bathroom routines): Wake up, lay in bed, turn off iPod alarm, get out of bed, hop in the shower, get dressed, brush teeth, make hair resemble something less scary, eat breakfast, get out the door.

181. Are you often rushed? (if so, why? ie. sleeping in): Not usually.

182. What stresses you out? (ie. deadlines, parents): Everything.

183. Name your means of transportation (ie. Public, Parents, Personal Vehicle): My parents drive me to school and to music lessons, I take the bus many places otherwise, and I walk a lot. I bike during the summer month.

184. Have you a license? (if so, any infractions? speeding tickets? accidents?): No

185. Typical lunch consists of?: Soup (if at school); Whatever’s in the fridge (home)

186. Where do you eat it (in the cafeteria? at a local diner? at your desk?): By my locker, or at home

Number 187…?

188. What is your regular bedtime? (estimate): Between 10 and 12

189. Do you eat dinner as a family? (if so, what is conversation like?): Yes, and conversation is usually forced and boring (at least on my part)

190. Who prepares your typical dinner?: My mother

191. Are you household chore enabled? (ie. can you sew, cook, do your laundry?): I set and clear the table, make dinner occasionally, take out the garbage, do recycling… yeah…

192. How often does your room get cleaned? (thoroughly): Once a month or so

(cont’d in Part 2, to be posted… eventually)

Real News!

I shit you not, this is gospel truth.

Michael Jackson, in his infinite wisdom, wants to build a 50-ft. tall robot replica of himself in Vegas. No, I’m not writing a fiction novel. He wants it to have lasers for eyes, and be standing outside of his palace or whatever that he’s going to be performing in. Best part: when it’s not being used as a massive creepy billboard outside his venue, he wants it to be able to roam the Vegas desert landscape, as if it were a human, and then walk back to its home base. Imagine what people from any other country will think when they land in LV:

“Honey, come check this out. Crikey! It’s a 50 foot tall representation of that child molester and part time singer. Holy shit!”

The world has gone mad!

One of the sources says:

“Andre Van Pier has apparently designed the Jackson robot and sketched out a stage set featuring a giant audience-interactive video game with human cyborgs controlled by the audience.”

I know he’s rich, but c’mon. There’s gotta be something better that he could do with that much money. Like, burn it. Or donate it to me. I won’t complain.

The sources don’t say whether he’s going to have a bunch of 30-foot tall children for the robot to molest. In the “humour me” department: build it.

Sources:

http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2007/03/26/look_for_50_foot_tall_michael_jackson_ro

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/r_m/2007/03/26/2007-03-26_jacko_looks_for_a_jackpot_in_vegas_with_.html

http://www.metro.co.uk/fame/article.html?in_article_id=42674&in_page_id=7

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/30/jacko_droid_colossus/